How Guys Connect with Each Other

“…it’s a mistake to judge men’s interactions by assuming we need to be like women.”

-from an article that appeared in the Wall Street Journal that focuses on what guys look for in friendships.

Some excerpts:

“Men generally resist high-maintenance relationships, whether with spouses, girlfriends or male pals. When picking friends, ‘men don’t want someone who is too needy’…a third of the men…said they learned positive things from female friendships, but 25% had a negative impression of women as friends, citing issues such as ‘cattiness’ and ‘too much drama’ [see this previous post]. And women are more likely than men to hold grudges toward friends, according to Dr. (Geoffrey) Greif’s 2009 book, Buddy System.”

Researchers say women’s friendships are face to face. They talk, cry together, share secrets. Men’s friendships are side by side: We play golf. We go to football games.

“Our conversations deal with the doing of things rather than the feeling of things…”

“In his poker game, [Dr. Greif] says, if a man were to reveal that he lost his job or that his wife left him, the other guys would say, ‘Gee, dude, that’s too bad. Want us to deal you out of this hand?’

If you are interested in the subject of male friendship and how guys derive support from one another, you can read the whole article here.

A personal reminiscence on the subject:

A little over twenty years ago, I was backing out of the garage in a stick shift to head to work while holding a mug of steaming coffee in one hand and steering with the other, trying to see through the rear view mirror to avoid hitting the center post dividing the garage opening. A slight hand slippage caused the car to veer sideways, bashing in the door trim and drywall next to it. Admittedly, I shouldn't have been wearing sunglasses in the darkened space.

A buddy happened to call later that day to ask what was new. I mentioned the early morning mishap in the course of the conversation. He didn’t ask me how I felt about it. What would have been the point? But, early the next morning on his way to work, he dropped off at our house some pieces of drywall, tape and mud, taping knife and painting tools for me to use to make repairs.

Now, that was a guy friend.