Laws of Attraction - Part I

Driving home together from a recent event, Beloved Wife and I had the following conversation:

SHE: "I'm really glad I'm married to you."

I: "Thanks. Good to hear. I don't think you've ever said that to me before."

SHE: "Really? I've never told you that?'

I: "No," (At least never while I was listening).

Hmm..., I thought, this might be one of those times you hear about when women attempt to communicate with their husbands. Think, man, think! What did that Sunday magazine insert relationship advice columnist say the man was supposed to do in these situations?

It's just as well that I drew a blank. Relationship advice is for wimps anyway. Real men don't need advice. It's a well known fact that most men instinctively always know the right thing to say or do. That's just the way we're made.

So, I ran down a quick mental checklist: Continue to earn a living? Check. Sleep at home every night? Check. Shower every day? Yeah, pretty much. I may not be Johnny Depp, or whoever it is that's the current object of women's desire, but I'm not exactly loathsome. So, after 35 years of marriage, five children and several of their own sprouts, why did she choose this moment to tell me this?

I: "Did this conclusion come to you because all the other husbands back there were boring?"

SHE: "Yes."

Hah! Figured it out all by myself! Who 'da man?! WHO 'DA MAN?!!!

So, what can other married men learn from my experience?

Just this: Never be boring. If you can't help being boring, try to get your wife to attend events with you where men who are much more boring than you are are likely to be heavy in the mix. You'll be prized by comparison. Or else be wealthy. That's supposed to make women feel fulfilled being married to you too.

Men, you should be writing this down. Take my advice.